The Empire Strikes Jack

From the Script 

Blair: "Nothing says luxury quite like your own private army."

Brandeis: "Can I help you?"
Dorota: "I am Dorota."

Blair: "Prostitutes are people too."

Blair (on Cromwell's): "Where Bristol Palin shops?!"

Vanessa: "Things are exactly the same as when we were just friends."
Dan: "Are... are you serious?"

Dorota: "Miss Blair you have no friends. Even NYU minions second rate!"

Gossip Guys

Realism

Jenny's drug stupor was ridiculous. First of all, these pills are what exactly? Damien once mentioned ecstasy, but if Jenny were slipped three pills of e she would have died, but definately not have sobered up so fast. -3

Also, she drank them in a little champagne flute, but the drink contents did not look any different. -1

Nate whipped out his GPS phone system or whatever and instantly found Jenny. Because all the other times someone was looking for somebody else, they never thought to do that. -1

Jenny instantly trusted Agnes again after they made up, which led to her demise. But that's expected. +2

There's no way Nate and Serena are perfectly fine with Dan and Vanessa dating. That's almost unethical. -1

But, Rufus' awkward joy on the other hand is totally expected. +1

Nate and Serena's idiot infested plan was ruined by Jack, haven't they learned yet? Nope. +1

No matter how sad Chuck was about his mommy issues, after what she did to him, there's NO way he would have so easily asked her to stay for him, after she broke the trust she worked so hard to gain. -2

That Conwell guy would not have told Blair he recognized a prostitute, he would have made up some other excuse. -1
I thought Serena was living at Eleanor's now, and why would they be working on the fashion show in her apartment? -1
Nate and Serena's sex life totally intimidated Vanessa. +1
Dan's idea of a romantic date is doing the same shit as usual. +1 Because remember in the first season when he was dating Serena and tried the romantic thing. Fail.
This is like the fourth episode in a row where everyone has had waffles (and actually said the word waffle.) -1
Who was that random girl with Agnes that was all up in Jenny's shit? -1
Blair totally found a way to blackmail someone to get what she wanted! +1
Vanessa set up the whole date in the loft while Dan was right there sleeping upright in a chair and he didn't wake up. -1
The whole Colombia freshman girls thing was weird. Especially since they mentioned that "everyone at Colombia reads GG." -1

Sum Total: -7

For the Love of Eric Damon

 

The Sixteen Year Old Virgin

From the Script

Dan: "I'll make you a map."

Dan: "That's not a 'friends only' dress..."

Blair (to Serena): (as Nate calls her) "Speaking of things we've shared..."

Jack: "I was drinking. Taking some over the counter pills they started keeping behind the counter. And meth."

Jack: "I've already had everything of Chuck's worth having."

Dan: "What?! She's not like a sister, more like a friend, or a classmate."

Jack: "I never realized how manyu sex puns you can make out of Chuck Bass."

Dan (telling Rufus who he's seeing): "It's actually... (as she walks into the room) Vanessa!"

Blair: "I'd pity them if I wasn't worried they'd spill orange soda on my Christian Louboutins."

Gossip Guys

Realism

Why did Jenny call the car service when she was still standing right in front of the door ? -2
There's no way Jenny has never heard of Dirty Dancing. Patrick Swayze died last year. -2
If Damien cared about Jenny so much, he wouldn't have stormed out on her like that. If he was so horny, he could have got it on with Serena earlier. -1
Rufus totally stands up to Jack about what he did to Lily. Too bad he didn't punch him in the face. +2
After Damien punched Nate, Jenny follows him in disbelief like "Uhh Daminen." Okay I'll go with you. But she is 16 after all. +1
Jenny seemed pretty normal about losing her virginity. +1
The speakerphone trick was used. Nice. +1
Jenny loves Serena. She immediately downloaded Dirty Dancing when she told her to watch it, and later listened to the soundtrack. That's a little much. -1
Of course Serena and Nate try a Chuck and Blair scheme, but fail. +2
Chuck is so cute around his new mom. +1
The Dan-Vanessa-Rufus scene. +2
Nate: "Never to be heard of again for a year." +1 Because he's so pretty, but so stupid.
The protesters were a little extreme for a sexual harassment lawsuit. -1
DNA tests can't be done in a few hours. -1
Damien walked in on Serena on the phone plotting against him, but he didn't hear her conversation at all. -1

Sum Total: +3

For the Love of Eric Damon

The Lady Vanished

From the Script

Serena: "Since when do you cook?"

Nate: "Honestly I didn't even know we had a fridge til this morning."

Nate: "But Bart told you your mother died in childbirth."

Chuck: "He also told me kids wear suits to kindergarten and blue-chip socks are great for birthday gifts."

Dan: "What could be friendlier than taking a mock photo?"

Nate: "Told you I was good in the kitchen."

Gossip Guys

 

Realism

Damien is stupid. He wouldn't hang around for all that family drama. He doesn't even like Jenny. -2

Serena called it "cooking" when Nate put waffles in the toaster. She would. +1

Blair faked sex with Chuck to try to shove it in Nate and Serena's face. +2

Chuck breaks into his mother's hotel room. Finally he shows signs of his old ways. +2

Of course Serena had to fuck with Chuck's decision and get involved, then later make it about her. +2

Vanessa: "I'm scared." -1

Rufus is such a dad. +1

The fresh uncovered bowls of whipped cream and strawberries in Nate's fridge. -1

The NYU parties are way too fake. -3 (For the volume level, the artistic decorations, the alcohol being served, etc.)

Sum Total: +1

When Rufus is talking about Jenny to Lily: "This isn't Serena!" +1 So true.

The Hurt Locket

From the Script

Serena (to Blair): "Anyone that meets you can see that you're an elitist snob that belongs in a secret society."

Blair (to Chuck): Are you in the hospital? Since I know you're alive, there can be no other possible reason why you'd sacrifice my entire future.

Dan (to Rufus): "You can make your own damn waffles."

Blair: "Chastity belts go very well with formal wear."

Gossip Guys

Realism

As soon as Nerena say they want to take it slow, they immediately have sex on Eleanor Waldorf's couch. +2

Damien drops Jenny the second Serena calls him. Who wouldn't. +1

Since when do jewelers have confidentialiy agreements? -1 And then don't break them when Chuck Bass hands you a wad of hundreds... -1

Jenny wears a hideous spider web dress? No fashion designer would wear that shit. -1

Bart Bass would have given a girlfriend a locket... with his own picture in it. +1

Dan and Rufus' fight over waffles. +2 Because that is so Humphrey.

That French bitch's reaction to Jenny introducing herself. +1

All Blair wears in this episode is black... so not the Waldorf way. -1

The girl checking coats didn't notice the mess of clothes strewn all over the floor... or the two teenagers having sex. -2

Serena didn't think twice about Damien just giving her a jacket... and she didn't have her own? -1

Sum Total: 0

For the Love of Eric Damon