Reversals of Fortune

From the Script

Chuck: "Sleeping with the enemy is hot. Why do you think I had the whole Ivanka thing?"

Dan (leaving Blair a voicemail): "I know I'm not someone you want to hear from late at night... or any hour... but I need your help..."

Blair: "I know what you did this summer. And who. Cristiano Rinaldo? I hope you got your shots before you traveled. Should I be worried?"

Vanessa: "Chuck and Blair will be there, if the whole murder-suicide thing I predicted hasn't happened yet."

Blair: "It's not a milestone, it's a gravestone. Settling down means less sex, more silence."

Chuck: "I'm not Chuck Bass without you."

Basstyle (AKA Bad Ass Style)

Realism

Scott creepily looking at his birth certificate while on the phone lying to his adoptive mother. First time he did this was in the series finale of season 2, but he was looking at articles about Rufus and Lily. Not once did he mess up his lies, while basically looking them in the face. -2

Okay, stealing one horse maybe, but two? No one even came looking for Serena and Carter when they were boning in the woods like 50 feet away from the stolen horses. -2

Ahh the art of hooking up with boys in a relationship and then lying about knowing this when your busted, we've all heard this before. +3

Crashing a society polo match? The end. -1

Blair's vision of settling down, less sex more silence. +1

Yeah, Serena van der Woodsen really got all faithful on us and took a vow of silence. Please. -1

Nate doesn't think he will find Bree at Columbia. It's only one of the biggest, most prestigious schools in NYC. +1

Nate also leaves Bree standing alone with his grandfather, her arch rival. This one is for every awkward moment we find ourselves in. +1

Vanessa and Nate hung out all summer and couldn't manage to keep their hands off, at least once, and when they were drunk... and in Prague. +2

Vanessa falls for the secret Humphrey. She can't resist them. She couldn't be with Dan because of Serena, Rufus because he was like her dad, and she doesn't know that she's keeping it in the family. +1

Dan found out "the hard way" how tough it is to break a hundred dollar bill. +1

Vanessa is thrilled not to be a barista anymore, but still goes to the same coffee shop three times in one day. +2

Rufus' frantic attempts to keep his new family together while Lily isn't around. +2

Nate and Bree hooked up. How often do you find love on an airplane, let alone your seatmate? -2

Why is Serena all over those magazines? She's rich, but not THAT famous, except for the Gossip Girl blasts. -2

Has anyone EVER seen pictures of Prince Harry doing shots? -3

Sum Total: 1 [Not totally realistic, but the writers had to spice up the season premiere somehow!]

For the Love of Eric Damon

(I guess he didn't have much love for the season premiere...)

Best WTF Moments

1. Chuck and Blair's little charade. Blair walks in on Chuck about to hook up with some blonde. SUPRISE it was a set up. Blair needed someone to humiliate and Chuck is... Chuck Bass.

2. After they swallowed each other's faces, Nate and Bree argue over politicians. OH S***! Vanderbuilts and Buckleys hate each other. Hmmm... what's in a name?

What the Bluck