How To Succeed in Bassness

From the Script

Blair: "Tell those pathetic trick or treaters there's no pre-packaged joy for them here."

Blair: "I was thinking 80s. But shoulder pads could be overwhelming on my delicate frame."

Rufus: "I was going to be Iggy, but I thought that might scare the children."

Dan: "Who could resist free gifts in shiny wrappers?"

Chuck: "This is a business. Not a high school party."

Blair: "I told you I was sorry for my little transgression and you forgave me. Now either you make me kiss a girl already or let's move on."

Dan: "I think I can handle some PG-13 bloodsucking."

Nate: "Seriously man, do you not get internet here in Brooklyn?"

Dan: "I think the most disturbing part of all this is that you've been reading Endless Nights blogs."

Nate: "At least I'm on the list and not working the door."

Olivia: "Flu? As in... Patrick Roberts flu?"

Dan: "He made you levitate."

Blair: "Perez Hilton drew tears on his own photo because he wasn't there."

Dan: "Look at the way she's looking at him, that's love. And lust... and gratitude..."

Nate: "Dude, that's an orgasm."

Blair: "It would make the SoHo house look like one of those dirty public schools with numbers for a name."

Basstyle 

Realism

Nate is such a good friend for looking into Olivia's movies/exboyfriend/blogs for Dan. +1

 

Dan's terrible flu lying/acting, which his actress girlfriend believed. +2

 

Chuck's intensity about not being his father. +2

 

Dorota vacuums Blair's room and simultaneously plays chess with her by saying the move. +2 Dorota is truly awesome.

 

Rufus bought a huge shopping bag of candy for trick or treaters. +1 And it was all from Dylan's Candy Bar. Clearly, marrying Lily is having some type of influence over him. +1

 

There really is no way Serena or KC know who Mark Hamill is. -1

 

Serena tells her boss that breaking up Dan and Olivia is something she has to do on her own. And KC really doesn't mind this ?? -2

 

Chuck's party lasted 5 minutes before it was raided by the cops, and it is going to make front page new? -3 Because that whole plotline was ridiculous.

 

Did Serena really think that Blair would care more about her stupid job than Chuck's first club opening that would set off his career? -5 But then again, she is so self-absorbed that she would think that. So +5

 

Eric looked like he was going to play golf, not like he stepped out of the twenties. -1

 

A little girl dressed up as Lady Gaga for Halloween and no one had a problem with it ? -2

 

Rufus made four pumpkins into KISS. +2

 

Jenny is taking being Queen to seriously, especially since she didn't even want to be Queen last season. And she's really gonna fuck with Eric and Jonathan, her only friends, for her little minions? -3

 

Sum Total: -1

For the Love of Eric Damon 

Blair's whole outfit

Serena's dress & earrings

B's sweater

Dan looks smokin hot !

Serena's top

Best WTF Moments

 

1. Blair goes behind Chuck's back to help him when he didn't want help.

2. Jenny has the girls dump yogurt on Eric's head.

3. Jenny has the girl's egg Jonathan.

4. Serena gets Patrick Roberts to fly down for the party.

5. Olivia tells Dan she lied and really did date Patrick.

What the Bluck ?

 

Music To My Ears

"People Cmon" by Delta Sunshine: Serena tells Blair she isn't forgiven; end montage.
"Show Stopper" by Peaches: The police raid Chuck's club; Blair tells Serena about the plan.
"In Transit" by Albert Hammond Jr: Blair apologizes to Chuck at the club.
"Strictly Game" by the Harlem Shakes: opening montage.

Enough About Eve

From the Script

Blair: "Are you upset because you kissed a guy?"
Chuck: "I'm upset because I kissed someone who wasn't you. You really think I've never kissed a guy before?"
Blair: "Love me?"
Chuck: "Always."

Blair: "Out you cableknit queen!"

Blair: "Sophie, you're minion number one. Amalia, you're minion number two."

Blair's Minion: "Vanessa is giving the toast again! And she's got some big, pink claw thing!"
Blair: "Well I don't know about that, however phase one is complete."

Olivia: "I love you bitch."

Blair:  "Enough! I am in no mood to hear you fawn over some girl with tacky accessories who lives to recycle."

Blair: Simply put, Vanessa Abrams is a tired cliche from the 718. The preachy, I-hate-the-man talk she no doubt has in mind won't inspire the kind of donations the school needs.

Josh Ellis: "Can I help you?"

Chuck: "Oh, definately."

Blair: "Generations of breeding and wealth had to come together to produce me. I have more in common with Marie Antoinette than with you."

Chuck: "I'm not that kind of girl."

Blair: "Oh my god. Are you begging?"

Blair: "The lips, the teeth, the tip of the tongue... please tell me your not coming here to grovel."

Basstyle

Realism

I feel like Blair should have known Chuck would have done whatever for her. Even if that whatever was kiss a guy so he could let Blair give the toast... -1

Carter really wanted to work for the Buckley's for like 20 years? Yeah, right. Especially if he cared about Serena as much as be said he did. At least he should've been happy that she cared about him just as much. -2. But like all men, he had to back down because of his pride, +2, so even.

Blair's nightmare was that she lost the award to Vanessa, AND she wasn't Audrey Hepburn for once. +2

Gossip Girl finally got down to the real political conspiracies which combined Nate Archibald screwing over his BFF Serena, while at the same time screwing his rivals the Buckleys to help his cousin Tripp, and getting back at Bree. Nate's killed not two, but three birds with one stone. Nicely done for an 18 year old volunteer campaigner. +3

Just for the fact that Nate still calls his grandfather, "Grandfather," like any respectable Vanderbuilt would. +1

PJ Buckley sits alone at a poker table waiting to be challenged to a high stakes poker game, with his frat boys chillin in the back. But his asshole persona IS spot on, plus he tries to dissuade Serena from Carter by saying his sister gained 30 pounds. Hmmm that one's tough. Only -1.

+2 For the anime goblin claw Olivia got for Vanessa because a) She thought Vanessa would like it, b) Vanessa actually did like it, c) Vanessa held on to it when she made the phone call in her hall way (for good luck maybe?), and d) Blair's minion's reaction to it all.

Rufus and Lily (of all people) reacted perfectly to Gabrielle's "I don't believe in private institutions" comment. +2

Also, for the screen shot of the reaction to Blair's leaked speech, Rufus' look of disapproval came first before Chuck's. +1 For the all-mighty Rufus!

Lily's inspirational speech to Blair at the dinner. +1 For the all-mighty Lily! Wow.. like Serena said they really are the perfect couple.

Chuck Bass not only kissed a guy, for Blair, but he's done it before. Who could have guessed that? He's Chuck Bass ! +2

Olivia's got the whole idiot-Hollywood actress act perfect. +1

Serena really thought that if Grandfather Vanderbuilt knew Nate was trying to help her, that it would make everything all better. Because she's always been an idiot. +1

Both Blair AND Vanessa got what they deserved for being cold, backstabbing bitches. +3 Because isn't this why we watch the show?

Why are freshmen so important they get a toast? And the front page of the school newspaper? -2

The first time Vanessa's parents (oh no actually just her mom, sorry) FINALLY come down to NY to see their daughter in two years, is to see her do a speech at a school they don't want her at in the first place? I don't think so. -2

Dan completely ruined the romantic dinner he planned for Olivia. Because he's Dan Humphrey. +2 That should totally be his thing too.

Gossip Girl still calls Dan "Lonely Boy" though he's clearly not anymore. +1 I guess... just for sticking with the times.

What ever happened to Alison Humphrey ? She didn't want to go to the parent's dinner to support Dan? Only -1, because there is already an overload of extra characters on the show, so I do support that decision. But it's still unrealistic!

Mr. Ellis kissed Chuck for the Tribeca Scavenger Hunt, but where was the proof for that? Don't you need photo or video confirmation for those things? -2

Also, because he really wanted to win THAT bad. -1

Neither Blair nor her minions noticed Vanessa shifting her big ugly purse around awkwardly? -1

Lily suprised Rufus with his favorite Welcome Back Kotter mugs! +1

Vanessa says she wishes Rufus and Lily were her parents, which would make her Scott. No points, just saying...

Also, even Eleanor declined to show up for Blair's big toast. Where has she been? -2

Sum Total: +12
Unlike the real Reality Index, who thought this episode was on the fake side.

For the Love of Eric Damon

Blair looks gorgeous here !

Vanessa's bag and shoes

Olivia's purse is cute... and so are her and Dan together..

This dress is amazing...

Lily's dress & shoes

Blair's cute colorblock dress

Serena's cute assymetrical dress (from the waist up at least)

Serena's whole get up

Olivia's top/necklace combo

Vanessa's dress !

Olivia's little dress (minues the yellow)

Blair's toast dress/necklace

Lily's top/necklace

This bitch's necklace

B's zip up green dress

Vanessa's outfit

Best WTF Moments

1. Nate played Serena to help his family. Tsk tsk tsk Natie.

2. Vanessa told Dan that Olivia was freaking outt... sneaky little bitch.

3. Blair set Chuck up with that guy.

4. Carter didn't accept what Serena did for him. That's pretty messed up of him.

5. Vanessa got all sneaky on us this episode, she put Blair on blast with the whole microphone! Gave her a taste of her own medicine. I loved it.

What the Bluck ?

Music to My Ears

"Strangers" by the Dirty Secrets

"Achin' to Be" by The Replacements

"Unfinished Business" by White Lies

"The Gentle Rain (RJD2 Remix)" by Astrud Gilberto

"Home" by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Rufus Getting Married

From the Script

Georgina: "That was pathetic. Haven't you ever tried to get someone to dump a celebrity before?"

 

Blair: "I know women, and none of us are that nice."

 

Georgina: Who are you gonna hang out with when all the Humphreys hate you?"

 

Dan: "Look I don't know if you're joking or if Lenny made brownies for your floor again but..."

 

Rufus: "I knew I let you kids watch Parent Trap too many times."

 

Constance Girl: My family's in investment banking. We're all broke."

Jenny: "You can go now."

 

Georgina: "What does it mean when someone used to grab your ass but now doesn't? It means someone's a big fat liar!"

 

Rufus: "That was just-"

Georgina: "You're love child. Yup! Not dead. Congratulations, it's a boy."

 

Bree: "If it means anything, I'm sorry."

Nate: "No, it doesn't. So please leave."

 

Rufus: "No one under 40 has ever shown that much interest in Lincoln Hawk."

 

Chuck: "I'm sick of being you're travel agent. This ticket's the last; it's one way."

 

Vanessa: "Dan, you're way off base right now..."

Dan: "...and I've always cared about you but..."

Vanessa: "STOP! I'm not in love with you, you moron."

 

Vanessa: Okay. Dan didn't write you back because (a) he broke up with you, (b) he's seeing someone else, and (c) even though I tried to defend you, you're a full-on crazy person.

Georgina: Wait, can we go back to (b) for a second?

Bree: Yeah, I tried to mend the whole I'm-dating-a-Vanderbilt fence. Didn't work. We're southern, so family loyalty is big down there.

Blair: Like slavery! [awkward silence] What? I'm joking.

Basstyle

Realism

Obviously, Blair's the one that smells the bullshit on Bree Buckley's breath. +2

 

Vanessa finally came to her senses and tells Dan the truth, even though it took Georgina blackmailing her to be hones. +2

 

Jenny has a "queen" moment while Blair is present. +1 because it was her father's wedding after all.

 

Dan thinks he did an "amazing" acting job, of course he would.. +2

 

The Sonic Youth singer says "By the powers invested in me by some sketchy service on the internet..." +2

 

The Lily/Scott reunion, because it was the first time she had met him. And she treated him like an asshole. +3

 

Dan standing on a street corner, IMing his movie star girlfriend, and resting his laptop on a newspaper dispenser? -4

 

I thought Cece was supposed to be back in healthy condition, and she doesn't go to her daughter's wedding. -2 But +1 because she hates Rufus.

 

Really? NO ONE knew that Carter was engaged to a Buckley? They're Southern royalty. -2

 

No freakin way Georgina just runs off with some random guy in a bar that claims to be a prince. -3

 

Sum Total: +2

For the Love of Eric Damon

Serena's dress

Serena's top

Georgina's necklace

Georgina's top

Lily's top

Lily's top

 

Serena's top/vest, necklace, and bag

Lily's dress

Jenny's dress 

Georgina's dress

Best WTF Moments

1. Dorota sets up Georgina! BEST plot twist EVER !

2. Poor Natie finds out Bree has been using his sexy ass the whole time. =[

3. Dan thinks Vanessa is trying to get back with him! (Which she totally wants to by the way...)

4. Chuck actually admits his respect for Carter.. because he's Chuck Bass.

What the Bluck ?

 

Dan de Fleurette

From the Script

Eric: "Oh that's disturbing."

Blair: "NYU is hell!"

Chuck: "What do you expect from a place where men wear sandals?"

Blair: "By the way, sandals are not shoes."

Dan: "I'm sorry that's a dating taboo."

Random Constance girl: "OMGBSE. Oh my god best sleepover ever!"

Blair: "These martinis taste like tapwater. Don't be a scrooge with the gin Dorota."

Publicist: "You're like a diva whisperer."

Dan: "Whoa whoa, what's goin on with that?"

Chuck: "Po-tay-to, po-tah-to."

Chuck: "Next time you forget who Blair Waldorf is, remember I'm Chuck Bass and I love you."

Chuck's note: "I need some one on one tutoring."

Jenny: "Go wash your eyes!"

Dan: "I don't even know why I'm pretending to think about that, YES."

Blair: "While NYU is my garden, I plan to rake, hoe, and weed until it looks exactly the way I want."

Chuck: "Dumbo could always fly, he just needed a magic feather."

Basstyle

Realism

Obviously Dan wouldn't know who a famous star of Twilight fame is. +1 AND totally not catch on to all the hints being thrown in his face. +2

Rufus hit the nail right on the head with his impression of his fiance. +2

Lily refers to her mother by her first name. Only on the Upper East Side. +1

Lily is just filled with so much insight for her premiere back home! +2

Vanessa coined herself a new catchphrase for all the crazy things that go down in her life. "Oh my god." +1

Nate being the pimp that he is, urging Dan to ask out the girl he doesn't know is famous. +2

Blair ignores first Chuck, then Dorota's attempts at stopping her pathetic attempts. +1

Every time Dan sees a girl in a Fedora he will be forever haunted. +1

Olivia's vintage Mets shirt she wore to her first day at NYU? +1 for her trying too hard to be normal, -1 for how it turned out. No points here.

NYU just accepted Olivia to enroll like three weeks after everyone else, AS A FRESHMAN nonetheless. -3

Dan just so happens to run into Olivia the moment after he was talking about her. -2 because she's a celebrity.

Dan doesn't realize who Olivia is until the movie premiere. Even though his best friend is her roommate. -2

Since when do publicists decorate/organize their client's dorm rooms? That would be an assitant, like Serena, kind of. -2

A celebrity is doing her own hair for a red carpet event? -1

It is way too soon for Jenny to be remotely OK with Chuck. And she definately wouldn't attend a high profile event with her molester... -3

Not that they have any relation, but Carter, Bree, Georgina, AND Scott are all out of town at the same time? (Oh yeah, Jonathan too!) No way, because at least two of them are in college (not exactly sure about Scott) and they wouldn't just skip out on classes so early in the semester to hang with the fam. -4

Sum Total: -5

For the Love of Eric Damon
Which there was lots of !

Purse, dress, blazer, necklace? Best V D Dubs outfit I've seen to date.

Awesome dress Little J. And loving her new hair this season...

Gotta love the "crown"

...and the half replica of it.

Serena's top

Lily's pretty updo (not exactly Eric Damon but still)

Olivia's Earrings

Van der Woodsen dress

Lily's earrings

Vanessa's top !

Olivia's dress

Best of: Olivia's premiere dress.. so gorgeous !

Best WTF Moments

This wasn't the best episode, but the fashion made up for it!

1. The girls at school dressed in head to toe sophmore Jenny.

2. Chuck hired that paparazzo to snap some pics of Blair ! Awww...

3. Scott hanging out with Georgina in Boston ?!

What the Bluck ?

Basically the only frame with the two in it...