The Unblairable Lightness of Being

From the Script 

Chuck: "Nate, I can feel your brain straining. You and Serena have it easy. Until now, your biggest concern was whose hair is more shiny."

Nate: "You're Blair Waldorf. Punishment is your middle name."

Dorota: "If wedding not traditional, marriage is doomed. Where did you and Mr. Harold get married?"

Eleanor: "I don't think that's why it didn't work out..."

Serena: "You know how Carter is. He convinced his fourth grade class that Barney's was named after the dinosaur."

Eleanor: "She hasn't been out of her room for days. It's like living with Howard Hughes."

Blair: "Great, he sent Good Cop."

Elliot: "I love Dorota. We're tight now. We talked about the Vampire Diaries in the elevator on Friday."

Gossip Guys

Realism

Elliot would not have brought his girlfriend to a wedding for a boy he likes. -2

Nate's phone wasn't in his pocket, and he won't notice the received call ? -1

Chuck would have lied about him and Blair being happy, jinxing Dorota's marriage. +1

Everyone arranged the whole wedding in one day. That would never happen. -1

Lily didn't look through the peephole when Serena knocked on the hotel room door? -1

Jenny's supposed to be queen of the Upper East Side. She never goes to school anymore. -1
Chuck has old movie dreams just like Blair. +1
Chuck's pajamas are now black, because he's depressed, instead of purple. +1
Serena thinks a pair a Louboutins will solve the problem between Chuck and Blair. +1
Serena ate a crossaint right after she "had breakfast" with the Humphreys, in front of Nate. That's exactly how you screw up when you're being deceptive. +1
Blair never said that she didn't even sleep with Jack, to Chuck or Nate. That would be the first thing you say. -1
Is there such a thing as a traditional Russian Polish wedding? -1
Rufus hosted a "traditional Eastern European game night" and then wasn't even there, or at the wedding. -2
Eric is gay. He is basically programmed with gaydar, and could have sniffed the semi-gay boy right out of Elliot easily. -1
Lily would have thought ahead about her staying at Canyon Ranch. -1

Sum Total: -6

For the Love of Eric Damon

Inglourious Bassterds

From the Script

Serena: "Can I kiss you before I kill you?"

Blair: "Serena you've done some unforgiveable things. Like sleeping with Nate when we were saving ourselves for each other and killing Pete Fairman. How far is too far?"

Chuck: "Back from shopping and no packages? Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend?"

Dorota: "I feel very badly not wishing him happy birthday or bringing him Polish breakfast sausages in bed."

Blair: "I invited my minions. It'll be like shooting fish in a barrel!"

Jack: "Champagne okay?"

Blair: "I prefer something stronger, to kill the germs."

Chuck: "If you're referring to the fact that I'm not in Thailand smoking hash with prostitutes, change is good."

Jack: "The fate of Chuck's empire is in your hands Blair. Well, not exactly your hands..."

Gossip Guys

Realism

Vanessa wouldn't just be carrying Dan's paper around. -1

It's no suprise that both Chuck and Blair stooped so low. +1

Blair made a contract, because she's no idiot. +1

Nate really believed Jenny was going to let him win the game. He's dumb. +1

After Jenny kissed Nate, he was all awkward in the elevator. +1

I'm not sure if Jack would have really turned down Blair. Even if she didn't want to sleep with him, the guy's a scumbag, and that would have really fucked with their heads if he went through with it. -1 Cause maye I'm thinking into it too much...

Eric knew that Jenny was scheming on Serena as soon as he got home. +1

Dan's reaction + the confrontation to finding out Vanessa lied about his paper. +1

I think Vanessa, with her "moral compass" would have told Dan that she was competing for the same spot. -1

Jenny was the only person that had a present for Nate on his birthday? Besides Serena's coslopus... -1

Chuck and Blair didn't waste one moment playing Assassin. Because they don't play games.. that don't risk anyone's lives or reputations. +2

Serena told Nate she had a garter holster for her cell phone? -1 Even for those two.

Jack wouldn't have sold Chuck's stuff so soon. But he was wearing his paisley robe.. so no points !

Nate and Jenny ran through some restaurant and locked themselves in the storage room, and no one seemed to care. -1

Yeah the whole bold and confident Elliot thing would never happen. -2

Even though she asked GG to help her find Nate, Serena didn't see the pic of him & Jenny on GG. -2

 

Sum Total: -2

For the Love of Eric Damon

The Empire Strikes Jack

From the Script 

Blair: "Nothing says luxury quite like your own private army."

Brandeis: "Can I help you?"
Dorota: "I am Dorota."

Blair: "Prostitutes are people too."

Blair (on Cromwell's): "Where Bristol Palin shops?!"

Vanessa: "Things are exactly the same as when we were just friends."
Dan: "Are... are you serious?"

Dorota: "Miss Blair you have no friends. Even NYU minions second rate!"

Gossip Guys

Realism

Jenny's drug stupor was ridiculous. First of all, these pills are what exactly? Damien once mentioned ecstasy, but if Jenny were slipped three pills of e she would have died, but definately not have sobered up so fast. -3

Also, she drank them in a little champagne flute, but the drink contents did not look any different. -1

Nate whipped out his GPS phone system or whatever and instantly found Jenny. Because all the other times someone was looking for somebody else, they never thought to do that. -1

Jenny instantly trusted Agnes again after they made up, which led to her demise. But that's expected. +2

There's no way Nate and Serena are perfectly fine with Dan and Vanessa dating. That's almost unethical. -1

But, Rufus' awkward joy on the other hand is totally expected. +1

Nate and Serena's idiot infested plan was ruined by Jack, haven't they learned yet? Nope. +1

No matter how sad Chuck was about his mommy issues, after what she did to him, there's NO way he would have so easily asked her to stay for him, after she broke the trust she worked so hard to gain. -2

That Conwell guy would not have told Blair he recognized a prostitute, he would have made up some other excuse. -1
I thought Serena was living at Eleanor's now, and why would they be working on the fashion show in her apartment? -1
Nate and Serena's sex life totally intimidated Vanessa. +1
Dan's idea of a romantic date is doing the same shit as usual. +1 Because remember in the first season when he was dating Serena and tried the romantic thing. Fail.
This is like the fourth episode in a row where everyone has had waffles (and actually said the word waffle.) -1
Who was that random girl with Agnes that was all up in Jenny's shit? -1
Blair totally found a way to blackmail someone to get what she wanted! +1
Vanessa set up the whole date in the loft while Dan was right there sleeping upright in a chair and he didn't wake up. -1
The whole Colombia freshman girls thing was weird. Especially since they mentioned that "everyone at Colombia reads GG." -1

Sum Total: -7

For the Love of Eric Damon

 

The Sixteen Year Old Virgin

From the Script

Dan: "I'll make you a map."

Dan: "That's not a 'friends only' dress..."

Blair (to Serena): (as Nate calls her) "Speaking of things we've shared..."

Jack: "I was drinking. Taking some over the counter pills they started keeping behind the counter. And meth."

Jack: "I've already had everything of Chuck's worth having."

Dan: "What?! She's not like a sister, more like a friend, or a classmate."

Jack: "I never realized how manyu sex puns you can make out of Chuck Bass."

Dan (telling Rufus who he's seeing): "It's actually... (as she walks into the room) Vanessa!"

Blair: "I'd pity them if I wasn't worried they'd spill orange soda on my Christian Louboutins."

Gossip Guys

Realism

Why did Jenny call the car service when she was still standing right in front of the door ? -2
There's no way Jenny has never heard of Dirty Dancing. Patrick Swayze died last year. -2
If Damien cared about Jenny so much, he wouldn't have stormed out on her like that. If he was so horny, he could have got it on with Serena earlier. -1
Rufus totally stands up to Jack about what he did to Lily. Too bad he didn't punch him in the face. +2
After Damien punched Nate, Jenny follows him in disbelief like "Uhh Daminen." Okay I'll go with you. But she is 16 after all. +1
Jenny seemed pretty normal about losing her virginity. +1
The speakerphone trick was used. Nice. +1
Jenny loves Serena. She immediately downloaded Dirty Dancing when she told her to watch it, and later listened to the soundtrack. That's a little much. -1
Of course Serena and Nate try a Chuck and Blair scheme, but fail. +2
Chuck is so cute around his new mom. +1
The Dan-Vanessa-Rufus scene. +2
Nate: "Never to be heard of again for a year." +1 Because he's so pretty, but so stupid.
The protesters were a little extreme for a sexual harassment lawsuit. -1
DNA tests can't be done in a few hours. -1
Damien walked in on Serena on the phone plotting against him, but he didn't hear her conversation at all. -1

Sum Total: +3

For the Love of Eric Damon

The Lady Vanished

From the Script

Serena: "Since when do you cook?"

Nate: "Honestly I didn't even know we had a fridge til this morning."

Nate: "But Bart told you your mother died in childbirth."

Chuck: "He also told me kids wear suits to kindergarten and blue-chip socks are great for birthday gifts."

Dan: "What could be friendlier than taking a mock photo?"

Nate: "Told you I was good in the kitchen."

Gossip Guys

 

Realism

Damien is stupid. He wouldn't hang around for all that family drama. He doesn't even like Jenny. -2

Serena called it "cooking" when Nate put waffles in the toaster. She would. +1

Blair faked sex with Chuck to try to shove it in Nate and Serena's face. +2

Chuck breaks into his mother's hotel room. Finally he shows signs of his old ways. +2

Of course Serena had to fuck with Chuck's decision and get involved, then later make it about her. +2

Vanessa: "I'm scared." -1

Rufus is such a dad. +1

The fresh uncovered bowls of whipped cream and strawberries in Nate's fridge. -1

The NYU parties are way too fake. -3 (For the volume level, the artistic decorations, the alcohol being served, etc.)

Sum Total: +1

When Rufus is talking about Jenny to Lily: "This isn't Serena!" +1 So true.

The Hurt Locket

From the Script

Serena (to Blair): "Anyone that meets you can see that you're an elitist snob that belongs in a secret society."

Blair (to Chuck): Are you in the hospital? Since I know you're alive, there can be no other possible reason why you'd sacrifice my entire future.

Dan (to Rufus): "You can make your own damn waffles."

Blair: "Chastity belts go very well with formal wear."

Gossip Guys

Realism

As soon as Nerena say they want to take it slow, they immediately have sex on Eleanor Waldorf's couch. +2

Damien drops Jenny the second Serena calls him. Who wouldn't. +1

Since when do jewelers have confidentialiy agreements? -1 And then don't break them when Chuck Bass hands you a wad of hundreds... -1

Jenny wears a hideous spider web dress? No fashion designer would wear that shit. -1

Bart Bass would have given a girlfriend a locket... with his own picture in it. +1

Dan and Rufus' fight over waffles. +2 Because that is so Humphrey.

That French bitch's reaction to Jenny introducing herself. +1

All Blair wears in this episode is black... so not the Waldorf way. -1

The girl checking coats didn't notice the mess of clothes strewn all over the floor... or the two teenagers having sex. -2

Serena didn't think twice about Damien just giving her a jacket... and she didn't have her own? -1

Sum Total: 0

For the Love of Eric Damon

Chuck & Blair: Season 1 Scenes <3

The Debarted

From the Script

Blair: "Um, this building... is a homeless shelter. A: Gross. And B: Really?"

Dan: "He's a handsome guy, he's a sophmore. He and Vanessa have a lot in common."

Nate: "He's a douche."

Nate: "Or just forget her, and move on to a... palette cleanser."

Nate: "She's a drama major. Actresses are crazy- Willa!"

Maureen: "You'll get... whatever it is your getting. Screwed, I think they call it."

Basstyle 

 

Realism

First things first, there are no wolves in Long Island! -3

Tripp kept Nate's pot stash, and Serena actually almost smoked years old weed. -1

Nate got to the scene of the accident just in time. -1

Maureen and Tripp went to the hospital why? -1

Serena stormed out of Tripp's house expecting to "find a cab" in the wee hours of the night. (But she would). +1

Serena tells Maureen she has no right to be at her husband's home. -1

Vanessa tries to act like she doesn't believe Dan, but she totally does. And her casual "I love you too." +2

Sum Total: -4

For the Love of Eric Damon
Oh man: the coat, bag, shoes, top, and stockings !  

B's hat

B's houndstooth coat

Vanessa's jacket

Best WTF Moments

1. Chuck's mom at Bart's grave!

2. Tripp left Serena at the accident.

3. Maureen gave Rufus the letter.

4. Jenny is a drug dealer.

5. Jenny & Eric outsmarted each other.

6. Maureen wanted Serena to be Tripp's mistress.

What the Bluck ?  

Music to My Ears "Empire State of Mind" by Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys

"Suicide" by the Raveonettes

"Too Late" by M83

Treasure of Serena Madre

From the Script

Blair: "Doing the right thing takes courage and strength. At least that's what I've heard.

Jenny: "So what, you hate me, but you've been pretending to be my friend this whole time?"

Eric: "That's pretty much it, yeah."

Dan: "Cece's heart pumps secrets and gun."

Jenny: "What you don't have anything to say to me?"
Eric: "Your sweet potatoes are bland."

Chuck: "A little Thanksgiving proclamation. You two ever play grab-ass in my elevator again, and Serena will be staying at an airport Marriott. Happy Holidays!"

Blair: "What are you clutching?"
Dorota: "Eleanor ask me to pick up things for Paris. It pricvate."

Blair: "You know what isn't? The INS tip line."

Blair: "You know I love Thanksgiving. The parade? On TV? I'm 19! Childhood memories are already slipping away."

Nate: "I told you this would end badly. Threesomes, man. Don't believe the hype !"

Dorota: "He won't stop calling.. and texting.. and tweeting.. and writing on wall."

Blair: "She has some bomb she wants to drop on me in a controlled environment surrounded by air marshalls and French people."

Basstyle 

Realism

Every single character that has ever been on the show is at the same place on Thanksgiving. -3

Vanessa's mom told Dan she could tell he was in love with her. -2 Because that should've been Rufus.

Nate. Just Nate. +2 Because I love who he's becoming.

Rufus still uses an old-school recipe box, in this day and age. +1

Serena. +2 She gets dumber and dumber. AND she chose Tripp over Nate. Tsk, tsk.

Vanessa's mom is haggard nosy, selfish bitch. But she does play the part well. +1

Lily thought Rufus wouldn't mind not cooking for Thanksgiving. -1

Vanessa is already over the threesome? No awkwardness ? -1

Grandma's don't know how to video chat, not even Cece. -1

So... Maureen makes Nate tell her the truth about Tripp and Serena. Ok... but she really owes him an apology for letting him take the blame for the plot to win Tripp's election? -1

Tripp and Maureen didn't even leave after the whole affair confrontation. That's awkward. -2

Blair not only condones Serena and Tripp, but literally tells her to go run away with him. She would never. -2

Sum Total: -7 (Still a really good episode!)

For the Love of Eric Damon
 Serena's dress
Blair's coat Blair's dress Vanessa's dress Stockings !
Best WTF Moments
 

1. Blair finds the pregnancy test.

2. Dorota is the pregnant one.

3. Eleanor & Cyrus are moving to Paris.

4. Maureen finds the letter in her jacket pocket.

5. Nate gives Maureen the tape of Serena and Tripp.

6. Tripp tells Serena he really does care for her.

7. Dan realizes he is in love with Vanessa.

8. Serena finds the letter from her dad.

9. Cece hasn't been sick in months.

10. Serena chooses Tripp over Nate.

What the Bluck ?
 

Music to My Ears "White Sky" by Vampire Weekend"Last Dance" by the Raveonettes"Cool Yourself" by Thao and The Get Down Stay Down"The Only Exception" by Paramore 

Loved Chuck's threat & the look on their faces right after !

The Last Days of Disco Stick

From the Script

Blair: "In the second grade, I saw our gym teacher giving Laverne Glazer's mom the glad eye. Not only did it earn my the first A++ for gym in Constance history, I learned that my sexual tension radar is unparalleled."

Blair: "Oh, the sacrifices we make for success. We'll think of a way to make your day less boring later."

Dan: "It was me, Vanessa, Olivia, two girls, four boobs, and one Dan Humphrey. How awesome am I?"

Nate: "I know things. I've been to Europe. Chuck Bass is my best friend. The third person's supposed to be a stranger."

Dan: "Why are you being such a buzzkill?"

Lily: "What about Brad Alexander? His mother said he's single."

Jenny: "Yeah, cause he gave six girls from Nightingale gonorrhea of the throat last year."

Rufus: "What are you two doing?!"

Rufus: "Did Chuck Bass just say he was going to the planetarium?"

Chuck: "Dude. I'm Chuck Bass. Even Europeans must know what that means."

Rufus: "What's gonorrhea of the throat?"

Blair: "I don't converse with liars or Lewinskys."

Blair: "I have an army to build, a school to take over, and girls to blackmail."

Blair: "Dan? When girls live together, sometimes their cycles sync up. No hormones, yours or theirs, will get in the way of my cabaret."

Basstyle

Realism

For the Love of Eric Damon  Olivia's colorblock dress 

Jenny's gray dress 

Serena's stockings

V's pretty blue/black dress

Best WTF Moments
1. Nate and Serena are about to kiss when Tripp walks into the bar.
2. Damien playing with the toy boat was a cover to sell drugs.
3. Olivia convinces Dan that he had to kiss Vanessa again to realize he loves her.
4. Blair gets Lady Gaga to perform.
5. Chuck finds Jenny and Damien and tells Damien to leave the country.
6. Serena goes with Tripp even after Nate basically tells her he loves her.


What the Bluck ?